Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
