My first STD was from a foam party
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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