I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
