I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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