We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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