just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
