mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
