she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
