so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
