hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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