There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
