He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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