Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize