fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
