I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
