We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize