guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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