I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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