Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
