Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
