eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
