im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
