i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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