i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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