he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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