you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
