I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
honey bunches of taint.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
