i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
did i just pee glitter
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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