theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
