I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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