I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
