Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
