You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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