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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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