Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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