woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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