i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
