Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
