You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
