On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
