I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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