I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
