just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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