ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so let's talk penis.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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