oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
