I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
