I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
