It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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