last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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