Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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