I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
