Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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