I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
