Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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