Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everyone says I win the strip club
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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