Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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