I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
