at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
