cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
