Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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