i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
