eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
