Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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