i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
