1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
