You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
