so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
