she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
