He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy sore nipples Batman
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
