I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
