well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
