we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
